Marriage is referred to as the sweet union between two human souls committed to cherishing and supporting one another at every high and low point of their life. And the institution called marriage, despite all its flaws and the cultural attacks it has endured over the centuries, still continues to enthrall and woo potential lovers into its fold. While it is true some approach marriage flippantly and with some ulterior motives, many do say “I do” with a sense of awe and great expectation.
Weddings in India
In India, weddings are still approached and celebrated with great fanfare and fervour. While marriages are mostly arranged in India, there is also a sizeable population who get married to their long-time friends. Nevertheless, heartbreaks and breakups are common in both these types of marriages. After some few years or even months of some marriage, the wonderstruck couple you witnessed in the wedding ceremony is left wondering whether they married the right partner.
Why do some marriages fail?
There are many reasons and hypotheses as to why a marriage that started with lots of enthusiasm could quickly turn sour. Lack of commitment or relationship skills; unwarranted interference from the in-laws; supposed incompatibility; the desire for novelty; and infidelity are cited as some of the reasons. Yet the most striking but hidden reason is the couple who tied the knot together failed to undergo any formal pre-marital counselling. Either they were neck-deep in love, in case of love marriage; or they were busy wedding-shopping, in case of arranged marriage, they just couldn’t find quality time for anything else.
What is pre-marital counselling?
Talk about love being blind. These days, many approach marriage with a sense of expectation contrary to reality. They are blissfully unaware that each person – especially a male and a female – is unique in terms of physiology, psychology, personality, idiosyncrasy, cultural and family background. Pre-marital counselling is a modest attempt to clarify such differences, set realistic expectations and define marriage for what it is really worth. In a series of 4-8 sessions, the couple is made to understand that love, marriage and sex is not what media, Bollywood or friends portray them to be.
Also, a good pre-marital counsellor would subtly bring to light the idiosyncrasies and strengths of each partner using worksheets, role-plays and home assignments. He/she would then proceed to help build emotional intelligence, relationship skills and intimacy between the couple using different coaching techniques. After all, a healthy marriage is not about how less you fight as a couple, but how amicably you resolve your differences.
What not to expect in pre-marital counselling?
Contrary to what some people believe and even teach, pre-marital counselling is not about finding the compatibility between an engaged couple. It rather helps develop compatibility between two persons intending to get married despite the myriad differences between them as an individual. And a successful marriage is one that astutely builds upon the foundation laid during the pre-marital counselling sessions. Also, in a pre-marital counselling session, there is very little to zero discussion about how to handle the pressures of everyday life which is unique to the couple’s family environment & circumstances.
Benefits of pre-marital counselling
It goes without saying pre-marital counselling is a powerful antidote to divorce. Leading psychologists across the globe have often argued that the chances of divorce drop as much as 50% when a couple undergoes pre-marital counselling. However, the immediate benefits are improved communication, new-found intimacy and an understanding of some potential misunderstandings which can arise between the couple. This gives the “soon-to-be-married” couple a good headway to amend some of their behaviour or develop the much needed coping skills they would need after saying “I do.”
So you see, pre-marital counselling is indeed a worthy investment if you just wish to see your honeymoon period go on forever!