Do you experience fear, frequent outbursts, perfectionism, anxiety, or avoid certain people, places, or experiences? These are all ways your past-self is attempting to control your present-self. In effect, someone from the past, who is privy to all your unconscious beliefs and memories is taking control of your present thoughts, choices, and behaviours. In psychotherapy, this past-self is popularly known as the “inner child.”
Think of the last time you had an angry outburst. Did it look more like the “temper tantrum” of a child? Only later on to feel shameful and lonely like how you felt when you were a child? If so, you might also have noticed that your moods are shifting rapidly, just as a young child would go through many emotions in quick succession.
Our past is a deep mine full of varying emotions, adventures, unresolved conflicts, pleasant moments, and buried memories. Unfortunately, if you had had a troubled childhood and never had a chance to heal those painful memories, chances are that unresolved childhood trauma would be subtly played out even today — especially, when you feel yourself acting out of character all of a sudden or having emotions that feel uncontrollable.
Childhood emotional wounds can make you feel like walking around on eggshells. For instance, if your childhood world was constantly filled with instability, uncertainty, neglect, or abuse you may find it difficult to make major changes in your life and live life differently. On the contrary, if you try making big changes to get your life back under control, you will soon feel the tension and get stuck in between.
Good news though is you don’t have to be controlled by this inner child from the past any longer. All you have to do is — obviously with the help of therapy — understand the unresolved trauma(s) of your past and make peace with it. For example, if you have experienced the loss of a loved one and never got the time and space to process the grief, it is high time you do it now. Or if you missed love and attention during your childhood, it is time you worked on this on priority.
Let’s say, if it was love and attention which was what was missing in your life right from your childhood, it is time to have an honest conversation about it. Perhaps, you may have to speak up in your present relationships and be a little more assertive. You don’t want to be ignored or abused once again just as you were when you were a child. And if you could resolve major unresolved traumas like this, you would soon find yourself doing well — emotionally and physically — in every other aspect of your life.
*Note: If you want to know more about inner child therapy, please do not hesitate to contact us. We can provide you a free overview session.