Ever since we heard those mystical words “And they both lived happily ever after,” we had always dreamed or associated “marriage” with that of a “fairy tale” fantasy. And even when we got married, with lots of fanfare and excitement, we never once entertained the idea that marriage could be hard work. We hurriedly and blushingly entered into a committed relationship with a series of quick and emphatic “I do” statements.
But then the reality started sinking in slowly the moment our honeymoon was over. The daily grind, household responsibilities, bill payments, and the emotional cost of caring for one another began to take their toll. Lo and behold, the glow around our understanding of the word “marriage” began to fade slowly. In other words, for the very first time in our life, we began to question the veracity of our favourite “childhood” fairy tales.
Is Marriage not what it’s meant to be?
Our traditional understanding of marriage, where a man and a woman enter into a committed, life-long relationship to cherish and care for one other is undergoing a massive makeover. Today, there is no standard definition for the word “marriage.” It all depends on which school of thought you subscribe to when it comes to “diversity & inclusivity.” However, the disillusionment with marriage has to do with something else.
The few youngsters, who are ambitious enough to get married today, want marriage to happen on their own terms and condition. And this becomes a debilitating issue when they marry a person who also approaches marriage in a similar manner. Real love, genuine respect, affectionate care, give and take, and forgiveness suddenly becomes impossible in such a demanding relationship.
Happy marriages are not made in Heaven
For a marriage to work, it first needs to be approached in a humane and selfless manner. Not according to how Hollywood or Bollywood depicts it to be. Marriage, in its truest sense, is all about love and forgiveness. But the moment we approach it based only on love, we would find our marriage struggling sooner or later – especially when our partner develops a tiny wrinkle on their face.
It is only after marriage, we discover – much to our horror – that our partner, apart from their pleasing personality, also has some irking idiosyncrasies. We also realise that our partner, whom we dated and cherished before marriage, has feet of clay. So as we unravel these startling revelations, the strength of our marital bond becomes directly proportional to how much we are ready to overlook the negative traits of our partner.
Most dying marriages, according to our research, have focused way too much on their partner’s unpleasant traits and episodes of disappointment, than on their partner’s areas of strength and pleasant memories.
Can the institution called marriage survive?
If we ought to make marriage a heavenly experience, it would depend heavily on our understanding and expectations from marriage. To develop a healthy expectation, any couple married or intending to get married should attend a “standard” pre-marital counselling course. Here, the marriage counsellor helps the couple develop the skills and understanding required to build a healthy marriage. Young couples are also taught the differences between male and female psychology. This in turn helps the couple to have a realistic expectation about their partner and marriage.
So, please don’t give up on the idea of marriage yet. There is no better union or relationship in this world, which is as blissful, fulfilling, and meaningful as marriage. Ok, ok, you don’t just have to take us at our word. Even your favourite fairy tale character “Mrs Cinderella” says so!