All of us would have experienced some form of trauma at one or more points in our lives. Abuse, whether sexual or emotional, death of a loved one, neglect, breakup, being bullied, being part of or witnessing a major accident, or even chronic stress all count towards experiencing trauma. A traumatic event, whether major or minor, can still leave an open emotional wound that can last for years. Healing from trauma can seem to be a lifelong process. However, how you look at and process your past can help you heal faster.
Today, there are far too many individuals who are stuck in the past, remain single forever, or keep blaming their past for where they are today. Yes, people live through terrible things and those things shape their lives. And there is no denying trauma and its after effects. However, looking at trauma as a ‘life sentence’ which one cannot escape seems to be rather simplistic. In fact, it would be a huge mistake, if you consider your past experiences as the basis of your future life.
Alfred Adler, the famed Austrian psychotherapist, once said, “meanings are not determined by situations, but we determine ourselves by the meanings we give to situations.” In other words, you do not suffer from the shock of your experiences, but what you make out of them that suits your purposes. If the goal is to avoid people and the risk they bring, you would forever shut yourself inside a room.
Yes, our past shapes our present. But you cannot let those past events decide who you are now. The past explains where you started. But how you process the past at this moment will determine where you will end up tomorrow. This is in no way trying to erase the past, rather healing those wounds and regaining control of one’s emotions and identity. If you wish to create a better future, you need to look beyond, develop a new vision and have some goals. Without goals, the present becomes meaningless.
What is that which keeps you stuck in the past or cramped inside your room all day long? Fear of men? Fear of being abused and used again? Fear of failure? Fear of rejection? Yes, the world outside can be tough and sometimes, even unjust. But if you take it as a challenge, especially armed with the lessons from the past, you might pleasantly find yourself treated to new opportunities and blissful experiences which you never thought existed.
So, you have two choices in front of you today: choose between the anxiety of changing OR the frustration and unhappiness of staying stuck in the same place. Moving towards an unknown future is much wiser and better than being stuck in an unhappy place forever. And guess what? Trauma no longer defines you — it just becomes part of your history and not your identity!